The more I read about Judaism the more I come to the conclusion that I still have a lot to learn about G-d (and Judaism). But everything takes time and I’m moving along at a steady rhythm, being guided by those around me, those with the same faith as mine, being guided gently and not blindly.
There are days when I feel like moving to Jerusalem along with my wife and children, or somewhere else in Israel, somewhere where my Judaism doesn’t has to be so restricted. Even though there is freedom in this country where I live (England, sometimes I feel as if my Judaism is restricted. And not just in England but in the whole of Europe. Upon leaving the synagogue, if I forget to remove my yarmulke, I see the strange look that some people give me, a look that I wouldn’t get in Israel. At night, especially on Shabbos, or early in the morning (like right now when I sit down to write), I put the yarmulke on and I leave it there, on the place where it should always be (on top of my head just in case you’re wondering what the yarmulke is), and then I relax and do the things that I wanna do, things that I would still do without the yarmulke on, but the yarmulke represents what I am, what I’m becoming, and what I will always be until the day I die. And even then, after death, I still might have my yarmulke on.
In Portugal, my grandmother’s house is filled with crosses and other Catholic symbols, some of which are a bit spooky, but I say nothing about it (or against it). But if I were to walk in her house with some kind of Jewish garment on, even if it was only my “simple” beloved yarmulke, I would get all kind of weird looks.
Yes, sometimes is hard being Jewish, but to be honest with you, there’s nothing else I want to be.
In this city of despair I found a love like no other;
A love of words,
A love of faith,
A love of a new language,
A language that I thought I would never learn,
And this new love showed me what I am,
Who I can become,
And what I will always be.
Like I said,
It is a love like no other,
The love that I feel for my people
And the love that they give me back.
If I could bottle it and sell it
I would become the richest man in the world,
But this love is free
And G-d gives it to us all.
Too bad that some of us say no to it.